On this journey into financial well-being, I've recognized a few very silly yet dangerous ideas I had regarding money:

- I was treating credit available balances as checking accounts "Hey, I have 2000 in available balance, therefore I have 2000 dollars" ...
I wasn't aware of this but let's say I had to do an oil change for $20, looked into my checking, no money. Oh, Look! I have money on this credit card, charge and forget about it. Money on my credit cards is not my money. I shouldn't be using it as a secondary checking account. Silly ugh?

- I am in the red each month but I don't like to hear "you can not afford cable, or a premium plan for your cell" for days I thought people were crazy, "of course I can afford it, cable is "just" $40 and the premium cell plan is "just" $20 extra. What I didn't think is, where are those $60 coming from? I do not have them. So, it is true, I can not afford those things. Plain and simple.

I look back and I am not sure what I was thinking, denial perhaps?

A member here invited me to feel empowered by cutting back instead of defeated or depressed. I like that option and I chose it for me.

So now I thrive to use only money that is mine (aka my salary) and I am getting ready to do those adjustments, one at a time and with the ever so important sense of self-care and self-compassion.
When I am ready to let go and not any sooner.

First one on the list is cable.

I decided that before I make the call to cut it:
I will borrow some DVDs from the library
I will buy my son a few DVD's and a few for me (around $60 for initial collection)
I will wait for those DVD to arrive
I will assign $5/month to buy DVDs or go to the movies.

These are concessions I feel I can do although it means I will still be in the red for a couple of months.
It will be ok.

I have been raised non-frugal and now I am converting.
I have the tendency of fixing problems by buying stuff or services.
Why? That is the way I was raised and until now, I never had the need to look for a different way. It just never occurred to me there was a different way.

Scary thing is that I am the most pragmatic, less shopaholic and most anti-consumerism of all my friends.
Some frugal things I've always done, because I grew up with them:

- I am 39 and I am driving my third car, and the only reason it is not the second is because a crane truck destroyed the previous one while I was at a red light. I am currently driving the most expensive car I even bought, my $20,000 Honda Civic 2006. I had a baby and got a lot of grievance "you have to get a van now" Why? I had a human baby, not an elephant, he fits just fine on my civic, I would reply.
- I own 8 pairs of shoes average price of $12 and I think it is plenty
- I am not into jewelry, I think I own 10-12 items, all gifts
- I don't buy clothing unless something I own has broken or needs to be retired. I have clothing that is more than 10 years old and still going. I never spend more than $60 on a piece of clothing and my average price is $25 for a good pair of pants, $40.
- I don't tint my hair, and I don't think I will until I grow grays. I cut my hair 2-3 times a year.

All that is natural to me, unfortunately, the following is not, therefore the need to change:

- I had not been to tracking my expenses until now; It took a few months to get used to it. I know I don't spend much on clothing, for example, but I still don't know how much it is.
- I never looked into how much I spend in food; I bought all I wanted and then more and ate out all I wanted too. Mainly lunches though. I am not into fine dining unless there is a big occasion.
- I never looked into how much I spent on household, I bought all I wanted to organize or beautify my home
- I had always solved problems by spending; Buy a how to book, pay for coaching, buy a "solution" be it software, a kit, etc.
- I had never allocated money for upcoming expenses that are not monthly; car maintenance, car registration, aaa memberships, taxes, etc

There are different ways and I am learning

I have made a few mistakes.

I forgot one bill, I know a late fee is coming. Breathe, it happens. It is ok.

I forgot my cell phone charger today, breathe, turn it off, save for the commute. It is ok.

Tonight I will take care of that bill, late fee included, readjust budget a litle.

Tonight I will put my cell charger in my purse. It is ok.

I will make mistakes. but I can start anew any time I want. I don't have to be error free next week or next month. I start anew right now. Self judment and guilt are not welcome here, they have no power because they are not useful to me.

Self patience and understanding takes me far. I move forward.

This are the desires I am manifesting:

* I am free of unsecured debt.
Debt disolves and the credit cards become a plastic fund for real emergencies, they become a source of piece of mind, not a burden.

* I eat nutritious, delicious meals that I effortlessly prepare for myself and my family.
I prepared pasta for my son and I. Read a book about bulk cooking, I am figuring this out.

* I am secured for my retirement.

* My home is neat and clean, It is easy to find anything I need, it is easy to keep it clean. I enjoy being in my home.

I have a 3/2 plus a pc area, and laundry area.

My living room is clean and neat
My Dining room is clean and neat
My Bathroom 1 is neat and clean
My Bedroom 3 is clean and neat
PC area is clean and neat
My Laundry area is clean and neat


Becoming clean and neat
Bedroom 1
Bedroom 2
Bathroom 2
Kitchen (I had forgotten this one!)
Garage

I have removed a lot of objects from my house, donating, trashing. For every 4 drawers, 3 remain empty, waiting for a purpose. I feel light and powerful. It is so easy to breathe!

I go into the rooms that have been decluttered and cleaned, they are a sanctuary I just seat, relax, be. My whole house, my home becomes a sanctuary. I detach from so much stuff, I move forward.

This is so nice.

This are the desires I am manifesting:

* I am free of unsecured debt.
I had to use credit this pay period because I came on short, but I am deducing those charges from the checking account, so that when I deposit my salary I'll have the money to pay back for those new charges. - like it never happened -

* I eat nutritious, delicious meals that I effortlessly prepare for myself and my family.
I brought lunch today, chicken and lentils and fruit.

* I am secured for my retirement.

* My home is neat and clean, It is easy to find anything I need, it is easy to keep it clean. I enjoy being in my home.

I have a 3/2 plus a pc area, and laundry area.

My living room is clean and neat
My Dining room is clean and neat
Bedroom 3 is clean and neat
PC area is clean and neat

Becoming clean and neat
Bedroom 1
Bedroom 2
Bathroom 1
Bathroom 2
Laundry area
Garage

My next payment is due July 6th, with a grace period until July 16th.

My bank has not responded to my request to extend the reduced payment they had approved for 6 months.
If they don't approve, I can not afford the payment.

All I can do is to continue following up each week, the rest is out of my hands.

If they approve, I keep the house, if they decline I need to evaluate my options to get out of it.

I am not my house and my home is where my heart is.

No need and no use in stressing or trying to control of 'fix' the situation. I do my part and I can relax. One week at a time. It is ok, the best is what is happening. I am in the right place.

I was getting stressed, so i stopped and look for answers, inside.

I started with some affirmations:

I have all the wisdom I need inside of me.
I am able to figure things out.
I know exactly what I need to do for the greater good of all concerned.

There are some actions I need to take, it is clear to me:

I need to follow up on my request for hardship, my next payment is July 16 and I need to be if I am still approved to do reduced payments. That is ok, it is just a phone call. It keeps things moving.

I need to deposit a couple of checks I received, the one for the car interests refund and the one from the insurance reimbursing me for towing expenses.

My insurance increased $5 and cents due to my car accident, that is ok, i will have plenty of money to absorb that increase. No worries. It is ok.

After that, I just need to keep on doing my tracking, consistently, easily, and everything falls into place.

I do not have to figure everything else right now, it will come.

I take charge of my finances on my own time, and it is perfect.

I enjoy taking care of my finances.
I find it easy to relax.
I am not haunted by the unknowns, I have now all the knowledge I need, now, in me.

This is what I am manifesting for myself. I am writing my goals in present time:

* I am free of unsecured debt.
* I eat nutritious, delicious meals that I effortlessly prepare for myself and my family.
* I am secured for my retirement.
* My home is neat and clean, It is easy to find anything I need, it is easy to keep it clean. I enjoy being in my home.