I have received some messages inquiring about the book I've used to do the things Ive been posting about. This is not an ad, I do not make any commissions on this.

I ran into "Creative Visualization" by Shakti Gawain about 5 or 6 years ago. Clearly I was not ready for it.

This year, after dealing with several critical adversities in the lapse of 3 months, I just stopped. I decided whatever I had been trying was not really working and was ready to try something different.

I embraced this concept and it has been working wonders for me.

There are several similar related concepts: law of attraction, the secret, self awareness. Plenty!
Creative visualization has been the most gentle and easy to follow, by far.

So that is the book, hope you are ready for it and ready to change your life for the better.

I love receiving your messages, if I can help you, I will. But it is always your path, I will not walk it for you, nobody will.

Blessings!

All right,
It is really remarkable.

At the risk of sounding like an old record, I must say it again. I have accomplished more in a few weeks of letting go than in months of working hard, planning and obsessing over to do lists. How is that? Anyhow, progress report:

Nice, clean and staying that way:
Living Room
Dinner Room
Bathroom 1
Bathroom 2
PC area
Laundry area
Bedroom 3

Becoming better and better:
Kitchen
Bedroom 1
Bedroom 2

Have not gone there, but will become nice and clean:
The Garage.

Some realizations:
Neat areas stay neat, not neat areas attract mess.

Neat areas mean less stuff, making it easier to find what you need so I don't buy duplicates. I had found 7, that is seven can openers! 5 scissors, uncountable rolls of tape. This mean I needed something, didn't find it and went out to buy one! No more of that. When you open any of my neat drawers you can see all the content without using your hands.
Neat areas save money!

Neat areas promote relaxation and joy, they are my sanctuary. When I am done, my whole house will be a sanctuary!

Less stuff. Less is more!

On this journey into financial well-being, I've recognized a few very silly yet dangerous ideas I had regarding money:

- I was treating credit available balances as checking accounts "Hey, I have 2000 in available balance, therefore I have 2000 dollars" ...
I wasn't aware of this but let's say I had to do an oil change for $20, looked into my checking, no money. Oh, Look! I have money on this credit card, charge and forget about it. Money on my credit cards is not my money. I shouldn't be using it as a secondary checking account. Silly ugh?

- I am in the red each month but I don't like to hear "you can not afford cable, or a premium plan for your cell" for days I thought people were crazy, "of course I can afford it, cable is "just" $40 and the premium cell plan is "just" $20 extra. What I didn't think is, where are those $60 coming from? I do not have them. So, it is true, I can not afford those things. Plain and simple.

I look back and I am not sure what I was thinking, denial perhaps?

A member here invited me to feel empowered by cutting back instead of defeated or depressed. I like that option and I chose it for me.

So now I thrive to use only money that is mine (aka my salary) and I am getting ready to do those adjustments, one at a time and with the ever so important sense of self-care and self-compassion.
When I am ready to let go and not any sooner.

First one on the list is cable.

I decided that before I make the call to cut it:
I will borrow some DVDs from the library
I will buy my son a few DVD's and a few for me (around $60 for initial collection)
I will wait for those DVD to arrive
I will assign $5/month to buy DVDs or go to the movies.

These are concessions I feel I can do although it means I will still be in the red for a couple of months.
It will be ok.

For the last three days, unconsciously, I had gone back to the old habits.

I worked on my budget, and other 'worries' until almost midnight for three nights. I didn't meditate/pray or take any me-time.

True I made very good progress on those 3 days, but at what cost?
I am tired, jittery again, my back pain is back, and my confidence is bruised. I had gone back to ruminating negative and self defeating thoughts all day "How am I going to make it" "What will happen if this or that happen" "I am not doing enough or fast enough or good enough" "I should be doing more", "This or that shoud be done by now" "I have to do this, and this and that" "What will happen to my son" "What will happen to me", etc etc. Like a friend of mine said: "I don't have a voice inside my head, I have a committee!"

Last night, at 11:20pm I realized all this, turned my attention to me and my mind and my body and I just stopped, in the middle of my next click. I didn't wait to be "at a point" I just closed the laptop, got in my PJ (well, I also washed my face and brushed my teeth) and went to sleep.
My mind was begging for me to take a rest, take it easy and leave my load for God to carry. My body was begging for some rest. I know I'd better listen.

Whatever I did on those three days I could have done on 6 or even 9 and nobody would have died, the world wouldn't have come to an end and that wouldn't have made me into a bad, irresponsible or careless person.

Being anxious and taking charge has not served me well, ever!
Being serene, grateful, visualizing what I need and allowing for things to happen, being patient and caring to myself has served me very well in the short 5 weeks that I have been doing it.

I have even "accomplished" more on those 5 weeks of serene life than in years of jumpy, edgy activity.
Wow, I can not believe it has only been 5 weeks...really?
It doesn't make sense that I accomplish more by doing less, but I am not going to argue with success at this point, I don't need to understand it.

Ok, so I took a 3 day detour into anxiety and worries, and that is all right, it enforces my desire to stay out of that state of mind. I experienced first hand its harmful effects and by becoming aware, all the tension, worry, anxiety melted away.

This is nice

I have been raised non-frugal and now I am converting.
I have the tendency of fixing problems by buying stuff or services.
Why? That is the way I was raised and until now, I never had the need to look for a different way. It just never occurred to me there was a different way.

Scary thing is that I am the most pragmatic, less shopaholic and most anti-consumerism of all my friends.
Some frugal things I've always done, because I grew up with them:

- I am 39 and I am driving my third car, and the only reason it is not the second is because a crane truck destroyed the previous one while I was at a red light. I am currently driving the most expensive car I even bought, my $20,000 Honda Civic 2006. I had a baby and got a lot of grievance "you have to get a van now" Why? I had a human baby, not an elephant, he fits just fine on my civic, I would reply.
- I own 8 pairs of shoes average price of $12 and I think it is plenty
- I am not into jewelry, I think I own 10-12 items, all gifts
- I don't buy clothing unless something I own has broken or needs to be retired. I have clothing that is more than 10 years old and still going. I never spend more than $60 on a piece of clothing and my average price is $25 for a good pair of pants, $40.
- I don't tint my hair, and I don't think I will until I grow grays. I cut my hair 2-3 times a year.

All that is natural to me, unfortunately, the following is not, therefore the need to change:

- I had not been to tracking my expenses until now; It took a few months to get used to it. I know I don't spend much on clothing, for example, but I still don't know how much it is.
- I never looked into how much I spend in food; I bought all I wanted and then more and ate out all I wanted too. Mainly lunches though. I am not into fine dining unless there is a big occasion.
- I never looked into how much I spent on household, I bought all I wanted to organize or beautify my home
- I had always solved problems by spending; Buy a how to book, pay for coaching, buy a "solution" be it software, a kit, etc.
- I had never allocated money for upcoming expenses that are not monthly; car maintenance, car registration, aaa memberships, taxes, etc

There are different ways and I am learning

I was!

As I read somewhere "I was driving my car as if my anxiety was keeping the car together"
I was driving my car and my life that way. I thought my anxiety and my emotions were me.
How could I ever let go if them!??

- I was afraid that letting go of my emotions would make my life dull, no passion, and no magic.
- I was afraid that if I didn't let my emotions drive my life, I would become a cold person that didn't care for anything or anybody as long as I didn't get hurt.
- I was afraid that if I stopped letting my emotions boss my life around I would stop being me.

I was wrong in all accounts!

Since I freed myself from the negative side of my emotions, life is more real, vibrant and full of magic than ever! It is like my anxiety and emotions were nothing but a lot of noise that didn't let me see life.

I learned to validate my emotions and use them on a healthy way. And I didn't become a cold person in the process; I am actually a more caring person, more connected to others and better able to help because I am free.

My emotions are not me; actually my emotions were overshadowing me. Once I gave emotions its right place, when I stopped anxiety from ruling my life, only then the real me blossomed.

Not only were my fears unfounded, my emotions where actually causing the very things I was afraid of:

Anxiety and the painful power of emotions is what caused them all:

- They made life foggy and confusing.
- They made me into someone who couldn't really connect to others.
- They made me a false person.

Emotions and anxiety might feel like very real, but they are not.

It was like being in a beautiful lake surrounded by trees and nature and being afraid I wouldn't really enjoy it unless I jumped to the water and be near drowning all the time.

I am no longer afraid to change. I am no longer afraid of letting go of unhealthy effects of emotions. I am certainly no longer afraid to let go of my anxiety.

It is so nice!

I still don't feel I have a proper meal planning or a handle on how much I spend in groceries. However...

It never mattered what method I used, what book I read, who did I ask, I would keep on eating out more than my share, throwing away lots of spoiled food and spending way to much at the grocery store. It was affecting my budget, my health and my sanity!

Then I stopped trying and I have been bringing my lunch for a few days now. Actually I have lunch today (fish and barley) and tomorrow's lunch is ready cooked in the fridge (chicken and split pea cream) I don't know how I am doing it.

And that has been the key, letting go of the how, relax, allow for those things to come to me, on my own time, without guilt or judgment.

I effortlessly prepare nutritious and delicious meals for me and my family.
This or something better manifests for me in harmonious ways for the better good of all involved.

This is so nice.