Layout:
Home > Spent three days in the dark side

Spent three days in the dark side

July 9th, 2009 at 02:06 pm

For the last three days, unconsciously, I had gone back to the old habits.

I worked on my budget, and other 'worries' until almost midnight for three nights. I didn't meditate/pray or take any me-time.

True I made very good progress on those 3 days, but at what cost?
I am tired, jittery again, my back pain is back, and my confidence is bruised. I had gone back to ruminating negative and self defeating thoughts all day "How am I going to make it" "What will happen if this or that happen" "I am not doing enough or fast enough or good enough" "I should be doing more", "This or that shoud be done by now" "I have to do this, and this and that" "What will happen to my son" "What will happen to me", etc etc. Like a friend of mine said: "I don't have a voice inside my head, I have a committee!"

Last night, at 11:20pm I realized all this, turned my attention to me and my mind and my body and I just stopped, in the middle of my next click. I didn't wait to be "at a point" I just closed the laptop, got in my PJ (well, I also washed my face and brushed my teeth) and went to sleep.
My mind was begging for me to take a rest, take it easy and leave my load for God to carry. My body was begging for some rest. I know I'd better listen.

Whatever I did on those three days I could have done on 6 or even 9 and nobody would have died, the world wouldn't have come to an end and that wouldn't have made me into a bad, irresponsible or careless person.

Being anxious and taking charge has not served me well, ever!
Being serene, grateful, visualizing what I need and allowing for things to happen, being patient and caring to myself has served me very well in the short 5 weeks that I have been doing it.

I have even "accomplished" more on those 5 weeks of serene life than in years of jumpy, edgy activity.
Wow, I can not believe it has only been 5 weeks...really?
It doesn't make sense that I accomplish more by doing less, but I am not going to argue with success at this point, I don't need to understand it.

Ok, so I took a 3 day detour into anxiety and worries, and that is all right, it enforces my desire to stay out of that state of mind. I experienced first hand its harmful effects and by becoming aware, all the tension, worry, anxiety melted away.

This is nice

0 Responses to “Spent three days in the dark side”

Leave a Reply

(Note: If you were logged in, we could automatically fill in these fields for you.)
*
Will not be published.
   

* Please spell out the number 4.  [ Why? ]

vB Code: You can use these tags: [b] [i] [u] [url] [email]